dead ringer

sorry ben, but you really do resemble scary menendez.

disclaimer: this has nothing at all to do with character and everything to do with looks.

my house of horrors...

happy halloween...

YOU WIN THE PRIZE!

"Marijuana is not a drug. It's a leaf."

--Arnold Schwarzenegger, GQ Magazine--

naked zzzzzombies

a study by Travelodge UK found that there has been a seven-fold increase in sleepwalking customers for this year alone:

more than 400 cases, most of them naked, almost all of them men.

the research found that many walked nude into the reception area asking for a newspaper or saying they wanted to check out.

Travelodge said it was sending guides to its staff on how to deal with sleepwalkers, such as keeping a supply of towels, and possibly a bat, at hand.

just kidding. about the bat.

sleepwalking occurs during stages 3 and 4, the deepest state of sleep.

sleepwalkers will awaken confused and unable to recall any of their actions.
some even become violent (you might need that bat after all...)
although relatively normal for children, statistics suggest that 1% or less of the adult population actually sleepwalk.
so these Travelodge numbers seem off.
which is why i personally think these dudes are awake and just getting their jollies.
--photo by Eadweard Muybridge--

on the way

this day simply cannot go fast enough...

dead ringer

karl rove and lou pearlman.

the parallels here are uncanny.

true puppet masters with fangs and forked tongues.

in pearlman's case, the puppets were boy bands and blimps.

in rove's case... well, we all know who THAT puppet is.

i shit you not

for those who love to think on their toes, i give you marc jacob's latest creation.

a shoe where the sole is the heel and the heel simply isn't.

if willy wonka had a wife, this would be her footwear.

dead ringers

did everyone know pete wentz his pants?
well, he does.
and that jared leto is about 30 seconds from making me want to puke in my mouth?

well, he is.

for the love of humanity, make it stop.

happy birthday, al...

to my girl mary - here's to the days of sonic the hedgehog, weird al and being chased by a brother armed with butcher knives and lit matches:

.

"Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face than spend one more minute with you."

--Al Yankovic

"i was just in the middle of a dream"

mondays are named after the moon, which is a downright insult.
the moon is this amazing orb in the sky that controls the seas and adorns earth's shadow.
mondays are dull and dreaded, the downer pills of the weekly prescription.
commonalities? i think none.
i had wanted to start this off by saying that mondays are the first day of the week, therefore making them awful, but that is just not the case here in 'merica.
mondays are considered the SECOND day of the week.
and this according to the Judeo-Christian count.
great.
mondays just became that much more horrifying to me.

dead ringer

Joe Torre & Richard Nixon...

eh? am i right?

disclaimer: this has nothing at all to do with character and everything to do with looks.

'tis friday in the citay

today in history:

1867 - the good ol' US of A took posession of Alaska.
.
1872 - the world's largest gold nugget was found in New South Wales.
it weighed approximately 473 pounds, was called the Holtermann Nugget and remains the largest single mass of gold ever found.

yeah, i don't know that i'd call that a nugget.

.

1962 - Evander Holyfield was born.

funny thing is, Mike Tyson got his boxing license back (on this same day in 1998) after biting part of Holyfield's ear off during a fight.

happy birthday to you!

.

1998 - some dude filed a lawsuit against Aerosmith for alleged hearing loss after he attended one of thier concerts.

ever heard of earplugs? or napkins? or having some balls?

.

2006 - NBC decided not to show Madonna mounting a crucifix in a concert special they planned to air.

Madonna? mounting an object? now that's something the whole world has never seen.

yawn.

HA!

no... this is not a joke.
and this is not a photoshopped image.
this is cheap monday's edition of the high waister extreme, if you dare...
now, i dig the high waist trend.
but a 15 inch zipper fly that ends up shelving your tits?
never ever.
some double-stomached fashionista creature on star trek could totally rock these, but she's the only one.
so beam em' up, scotty, 'cause they be seriously
U
G
L
Y.

color the canvas

apparently the longer, cooler nights have more of an impact on fall color change than anything else.

and warmer, wetter days make for a more vivid color scheme.

sounds like we have the perfect set-up for a beautiful fall.

so why is nothing falling? and why is everything still so green?

murder party

go see this film.
it's brilliantly directed, beautifully written, hilarious, nerve-rattling gore core.
A++

tidbits & crumbs

today is the 285th day of the year, 80 days remaining.
crazy how time is flying.
on this day in history:
1970 - Kirk Cameron was born!
remember boner?
.
1978 - Sid Vicious was arrested for the murder of Nancy Spungen.
her body was found in their room at the infamous Chelsea Hotel.
while on bail he overdosed on heroin and died before any trial took place.
did you know he played drums with Siouxsie & the Banshees at their first gig at the 100 Club Punk Festival in London? i didn't.
.
1999 - "The Day of Six Billion"
the proclaimed 6 billionth living human in the world is born.
good lord. and we think deer are overpopulated!!!
.
1997 - Country Boy John Denver died in a plane crash.
he was 53.
RIP.

pink flamingos

sausages, theft, chickens, black-market-babies, lesbians, trailers, trannies, eggs, murder, playpens, peepers, servants, tar, feathers, filth, makeup, media and more!

weather much?

by first avenue, off came my jacket.

by third avenue, my scarf.

upon entering the subway, my sweater was being pulled over my head while i balanced two bags on one wrist and then the other.

all that remained? my cut-up hanes tank.

i left home looking professional and ready for work.

i arrived at said job looking completely disheveled, sweating profusely, a cross between a mad max and a bag lady, hair in a knot and red nose running.

please, miss nature.

bring it on.

leaking brain theory

my head is fogged.
my teeth are aching.

my nose viscid.
my ears are ringing.
my skin is crawling.

my eyes are burning.

my lungs secreting.
the day is long.
but i'm surviving.

--painting by ryan jacob smith--

i curse the common cold

not feeling good at all today.

wishing i was at home in bed, watching Price is Right, a big, hot bowl of lipton noodle soup in hand...

then i remembered Bob Barker retired. and Rod Roddy is dead.

and now i'm depressed.

Bob was like the grandfathers i never knew, but with a cake of makeup and pencil microphone.

i would cry, but i'm too busy trying to breathe through my nose.

today in history:
1943 - STEVE MILLER WAS BORN!
his songs take me all the way back to the 5th grade.
stuck on the devil's elbow chairlift, snowflake thermals peaking from the ripped knees of my acid washed jeans, kristina and i singing Swingtown at the top of our lungs.
i'm truly surprised we never got whitewashed.
keep on rockin' me, steve.
.
1958 - the record charts were dominated by a folk song for the first time ever: the kingston trio's rendition of Tom Dooley.
who's tom dooley, you ask?
allow me to enlighten you:
Tom Dula (pronounced Dooley), a Civil War veteran, was well known for his "active lifestyle" with the women of Wilkes County, North Carolina.
One of Dula's lovers was Laura Foster, whom he awakened one morning out of the blue, telling her he planned to marry her that same day. She gathered her best clothes and her father's horse and left.
She disappeared. After a prolonged search, her body was found.
Tom was tracked down in Tennessee, arrested and eventually found guilty for the murder of Ms. Foster.
Motive? A web of romantic intrigue, jealousy, and spite that emerged between Dula, Ann Melton (a married woman with whom Dula was also involved) and Pauline Foster, yet another Dula lover.
He was sentenced to death and hanged in Statesville, North Carolina.
nothing makes for good song lyrics like a womanizing murderer!
.
1991 - "come on, come on! feel it, feel it!"
Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch hit number one in the U.S. with Good Vibrations.
oy vay...
.
thank GOD it's friday.
which brings me around to telling you about the four fabulous ladies in the photo:
-they are a quartet from cleveland, ohio
-they seem very happy, but not cause it's friday. oh noooo. cause This Gang Is Female!
-check them out here: http://www.tgifquartet.com/

who killed the electric car?

my god... i knew mankind was a lot of idiotic dopes, but i had no idea we could be this fucked.

i suggest watching this eye-opening documentary, especially if you are an earth-adoring human being such as myself.

we need to make some serious changes to the way we live and consume.

unfortunately, the politicians, those "chosen" to "speak" for the people, are of no use.

they're too busy playing pocket pool with one another, big dirty bills and all.

they really don't give a shit if the bees die and the trees fall.

as long as oil is our bloodline, they sit reeeeeeaaaaaal pretty...

i'm not simply being a doom-spewing hippie here.

the facts are in, and it's pretty clear the avenues we should be pursuing regarding the future of this borrowed planet.

watch the film.

ps. there ARE glimmers of hope, one of which you can find here:

http://www.teslamotors.com/