Read all about it?

This morning, during my commute, I read about a 9-year-old Greek girl who is carrying her own twin. Stomach pains resulted in a trip to the hospital, where they found a 2 inch long growth which they later realized was actually an embryo, complete with a head and hair and eyes.
I also read that McCain predicts we can end the war by 2013 (!?!) and that NYC is going to try to control the pigeon population with hawk robots (!?!)
I then read that some dude in Florida threw a Molotov Cocktail into the coastal woods, resulting in thousands of acres of forest burning to the ground and that Bush, in so many words, basically called Obama a Nazi.
And then I remembered why I don't read the newspaper anymore.